Flower Pot- Petals of wisdom from Lotus Bloom's sex educators a column updated every other Wednesday of the month answers the questions we hear most often. Do you have a burning question to ask our sex educators? Email us at Lotusbloomsalexandria@gmail.com
Q: Is porn healthy? We hear so much about porn and how it leads to porn addiction, distorted body image, and unhealthy sexual relationships. How can porn be used in a healthy way?
A: Porn is one of the most argued about topics in sex conversations, second to the female orgasm. But just like the female orgasm, porn does exist and it can be healthy!
When talking about porn addiction, it's important to keep in mind that moderation is everything! You can become "addicted" to anything. Drinking a lot of coffee every day can lead to a caffeine addiction. The important thing is to moderate how often you're watching porn, and even try something new by changing the type of porn you are watching as often as possible!
When talking about distorted body image in porn it is important to keep in mind that demand for porn changes what is popular in porn. For instance as amateur porn becomes more available on the internet, natural body types, hairstyles, and even condom usage are in demand. We the consumers decide what is widely available by what we purchase and recommend.
When talking about unhealthy sexual relationships I find that porn can lead to both very healthy and very unhealthy relationship behaviors. Often, when people are talking about how porn negatively they are referring to a person who is hiding their porn watching habits from their partner. By keeping secrets, especially about sexual behaviors that affect your sexuality and sex drive, it can negatively affect a relationship with a sense of betrayal or feeling as though there is a lack of trust. It is very important to communicate with your partner. When people are open with their partners about their porn watching, that can lead to a frank and open conversation about their sex life and what they would like to try, which can lead to a healthier, more fulfilling sex life.
As for how porn can be used in a healthy way, to enhance sexual relationships, I have these tips
- Communicate with your partner. This is a big one. Make sure you are discussing your porn watching with your partner, explain why you enjoy it, and even invite them to watch with you. This can also help to increase intimacy.
- Don't forget your partner. Many people report that they feel intimidated by the actors in porn. So be sure to remind your partner often how much you appreciate them and their body without the photo manipulation that is so often used in mainstream porn.
- Many people use porn to explore sexual situations and scenarios they want to try, or would never try in real life. This can be a healthy expression of sexuality as people learn more about their sexual wants and needs. Asking your partner about their porn habits and whether they would enjoy trying those scenes in real life is a great way to engage with your partner and try new things! Be sure to communicate what you are and are not comfortable with trying.
- Remember that at the end of the day porn actors are just that- actors. They are paid to behave a certain way, and they don't all have never ending stamina. Porn isn't done in one take, and often uses a number of off-screen tools to assist the actors in their physical comfort, so don't be afraid to grab a toy, or use some lubricant! (May I recommend Sliquid Sea from our Website?)
See you next time!
-Rebecca
-Rebecca
